My gap year followed by the lock down has taught me that our happiness is and should not be dependent on people or situations. Only we have the power to make ourselves happy. Relationships have an indispensable role in our life. It is not easy to live without relationships or depending on others.I believe sadness is a default state in humans and happiness is something you have to work for. I don't miss love or romance in my life because my passions fulfill me to a large extent. I'm not saying that i don't need relationships but, I can only be fulfilled in a relationship as long as my passions are also alive. Happiness can only be created from within. Nothing on the outside - people, places or objects, can make us happy or content. Like how a garden can be created in a barren land, we need to create happiness in our solitude . If we are able to find or create such happiness, then we can find true freedom , peace and contentment.
I know this is not a radical or revolutionary concept or thought. 'Finding happiness within yourself' may sound very clichéd. Like everybody else I believed that I needed somebody to make me complete and fulfilled.But, a lot of unsavoury human interactions and the immobility created by the pandemic,forced me to find other ways to fulfill myself. I had enough of waiting for things to improve around me. I was done waiting for a miracle. Out of necessity I had to search for other sources. I did lot of introspection and realized that there was no capsule solution for unhappiness. So the first step was to keep my self physically and mentally engaged. I prepared a schedule which included doing mundane chores around the house, reading , writing, spending time with my dogs, spending time by the river side and occasionally doing a digital detox. At first it was exciting and i was able to follow my schedule for sometime but my health started to give in. Once again i got back to my old self. Glued to my phone refusing to face the reality, lying in my bed depressed. Even though i fell back to my old patterns, I remembered how powerful and balanced i felt when i was in charge. I was determined not to loose that new found sense of power and control. I would get up, brush myself and restart my schedule. I wasn't consistent but I didn't give up either. It still is a struggle, but I'm not bothered about the results or what I will acheive at the end. I'm enjoying this process of growth, with all its struggles and challenges. I now realize and am convinced, one hundred percent, that true happiness begins with our decision to be happy. It requires effort and hardwork to stay that way